Last week, during a coaching session for a client, this reflection question popped up for her: What does it mean for you to have a thankful heart?
She is going through probably the fiercest hardest storm to-date. She's been bruised and battered by the hard winds and shivered for countless nights. But through it all, she's found refuge and sanctuary and, an inner strength and resilience. Above all, she has been able (with great determination and discipline) to maintain a strong sense of calm. Releasing of hatred and anger is the goal she is working towards.
It is not easy being my client because at the onset of our journey together, I tell them that my role is not to sugar coat nor am I in a popularity contest. My role is to be a catalyst in the transformational journey and that means facing hard truths at times. It also means accepting and taking action on recommendations even if it is something that throws them out of their comfort zone. Or something that is painful for them to do. For those with perseverance and willingness to do what it takes, there is always positive changes.
In my client's case, she was what the world would perceive as the 'victim' in the situation. So the question I posed to her was not an easy one. But she graciously and openly accepted the reflective task for this period of Christmas in preparation for a new fresh start in 2015.
It is also a question that I have taken on for my own self-reflection and preparation for a brand new year. And it is a question that I think would benefit many.
In his book Hardwiring Happiness, neuropsychologist Dr Rick Hanson shared about the importance of regularly taking in the good to create neural pathways we need for well being. Unless we pay mindful, sustained attention to them, most positive experiences flow through our brains like water through a sieve. The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones.
If that it the case, then having a thankful heart would also allow us to create positive neural pathways as well as a healthy heart.
What does it mean for you to have a thankful heart?
I am still reflecting on the question and it has been liberating to explore some of the pathways that my heart takes me to. To savour each new insight and thought. Much to think about and lots of experiences to reframe. All which is useful and beneficial for moving ahead.
As a therapist, I have opportunities to witness the beautiful compassionate energy that people possess - when they are able to let go of hurt and pain, forgive and move on. It is not easy and sometimes, it may take a while before they are able to do this. And that it perfectly okay as everyone moves to a different pace and time on his or her healing journey.
To forgive is truly an act of courage because you choose to accept responsibility to change your life regardless of what another person has done to you.
To forgive is truly an act of compassion because you choose to see the person who has hurt you in a different positive light.
And in turn, to forgive becomes a blessing and healing for you.
"... blessing is the ancient secret that releases us from life's suffering long enough to replace it with another feeling. When we bless the people or things that have hurt us, we're temporarily suspending the cycle of pain. Whether this suspension lasts for a nanosecond or an entire day makes no difference. Whatever the period of time, during the blessing a doorway opens for us to begin our healing and move on with life. The key is that for some interval, we're released from our hurt long enough to let something else into our hearts and minds: the power of 'beauty'" ~ Gregg Braden
I witnessed the beauty of this in a healing session this morning with a client. My client has had a challenging relationship with his mother for years. Today, I asked him if he was willing and ready to forgive his mum for the hurts caused. This would be the final breakthrough needed for his healing journey. Though there was a bit of a struggle, he said yes.
He opened himself to the outpouring of compassionate energy, and as we did the session, this peaceful loving energy was present throughout. And when we did the cord cutting and forgiveness segment, I could feel a 'weight' leaving his energy field. All that remains is peace.
And when we did the rebuilding of the energy cord, there was no trace of the old irritation or frustration. Instead, peace and calmness were the key emotions present.
When he first agreed to forgiving, he did not know if he was going to be able to do it. Yet because he decided to give it a go and set the intention as such, it was possible.
He was able to forgive and bless his mum. And in so doing, he gained peace.
